Pink Secrets ♥

2010-11-21T03:56:00.002+08:00

I need somewhere to pour my heart feelings...so it's either telling someone, diary or blog. Since I prefer typing than writing or talking..that leaves me with blogging right?

Usually I hesitate on the things that I want to include in my post....some might be due to embarrassment, pride and the way people will think once they read about it. People's opinion has always been affecting me...

Anyway, just a moment ago, I felt this missing feeling. I miss Hakim. It was the point when I know what to call him already. Last time, I just can't decide what to call him, syed? Haq? Hakim? And Hakim sounds weird to me....but now, it sounds perfectly ok. Hahah. It's the feeling of missing a company rather than missing someone special. Deep down I know I shouldn't contact him, now it doesnt matter coz we don't contact at all, no particular reason, it dissipates by itself.

Yeah how I wish, he's not the guy I perceive him to be. Hahaha I'm just feeling lonely I guess.

It's always about that feeling now...alone lonely. I think, it's pathetic to feel that way.

You know how it feels like talking to your crush right? I felt that too...occasionally. But most of the time it's difficult to look into his eyes and high chances to stutter. Basically, you look like a retarded. You realized it might lead to some problems, if you are talking to someone and you keep averting your eyes or even doing other things while talking, it might seem like you don't like the person and that you're just not interested in the conversation. Yeah, that's what happened occasionally...or so I thought. It's my problem. O.o

Usually, I will avoid any conversation with him. I just can't take it. I can't take it to look stupid in front of someone you think is awesome and I just don't want to have any connection with that person. It's weird to say that, coz we all want to be close to someone we fond of, but I guess not this one. I prefer to see from far. Play safe you see..hahah.

He is one nice and helpful guy.

Then your friend talks about him trying to make you jealous. I just don't feel a thing but it reminds me of the past. Those days...hahaha.

But I do smile when I remember the times when he helped me :)

2010-10-04T00:19:00.003+08:00

*breathes in deeply*

Oh I'm staring right into my laptop screen wondering what to type in here...I do have something to say but I'm not sure what to put in here...its here and there.

School? Feelings? Physical appearance worries? And other stupid worries that's actually pissing me off.

Let's start off with that stupid worry that's actually pissing me off these days!

I think it's totally fine to know that your friend or cousin is getting married or engaged. It is a happy news~ But something that is not fine is when they ask about my love life. Oh yeah I shall declare that now I'm being emotional about that topic! Well at least people WILL STOP ASKING ME ABOUT IT.

I'm being emotional about it because it affects my other aspect of life! And I'm not happy about it. Not happy people trying to mess up my feelings and life. Oh I'm not a steely woman and I'm not that very determined person, I have my moments too...so right now I'm trying to concentrate finding my own path too...so please be considerate...I would really appreciate if you stop asking me such things..

If you really want answers so much perhaps this will help clear your curiosity, It just didn't work out for me!~ From a few guys that like me so much but I don't feel a thing for them, to falling for a bisexual friend, to dating your 2yrs ago crush which doesn't turn out to be like a miracle you've wished for, to going out with a handsome guy that doesn't have a thing for you yet impacting your very life in a most sinful way!

Oh what a life. Actually, I wanna say, Oh what a FUCKED UP LIFE! Perhaps not that fucked up but it is fucked up enough for Hazwani. No! I didn't look for all these people. I can burst into tears right now...but I'm not...see thats the problem! It's like no more sadness but all anger. That's bad.... :(

As for school...I chose that line. I want to continue study at least that's the thing which I believe I can still work on...I still remember that I don't want to have any emotions entanglement during these 2yrs...so insyallah that's what I'm getting...but I didn't think i see this 'pressurize' thing coming or extra deep loneliness...

My module pressure is enough to handle right now...

Sooner or later I might close this blog...or perhaps make another one! :D

2010-09-29T12:46:00.005+08:00

Hahaha! So long never update. Real busy heh?

Hello to bloggin world!

Just one update. About what? Afal and a mixture of other people too!

I'm over him. But I just saw his befdae celebration photos with Jaclyn..So I want to say quite a handful of things here.

Honestly...what I'm feeling wasn't as deep and stupid like what I used to feel for Azfar. Way less impact plus I believe as we grew older, our emotions tend to be more stable. So here I am with more stable emotions! :D

I seldom look at his profile now but just now all the bdae pics and his updates was at the front page. So I glanced thru only....When i look at the photos I got flashbacks..I was reminded of all the honest and heart to heart talk with him which shows that I really like him. I thought he was the one, he's like the rainbow after a heavy storm! Or should I say the hydrogel of my life, he absorbed ALL my SADNESS!!!!!! Or perhaps the FRUCTOSE in my diet! Well fructose is the sweetest sugar and hydrogel serve a great purpose in this era! Okay enough of the food science analogy...

I didnt tell anyone about this but I actually threw away the 'diary' he gave me during my birthday but my mum kept it coz she thinks its wasteful...hahaha. Just like how I wanted to threw away Domo-kun and the cute teddy bear keychain azfar gave me last time. My mom gave it to Haziq! I tore azfar's pic, saihah and mala from the big card he gave me during my 20th birthday and I threw away my pic with afal in 190's ticket bin! Hahahahahaha. Yeah fine I'm laughing now...but last time I cried BUCKET!! Darn it was painful. I threw away my Pink Diary too!!! Coz I don't want to be reminded of Afal at all but there are just some things in my mind which can't be erased or easily thrown out rite...things like his ORD celebration plan, birthday plans, picnics...they're in my mind. They are super sweet plans and ideas ok. I even thought of deleting him off from my FB profile...but what can it do? Will it impact me differently? Nah.....

Oh yes I'm actually embarrassed of all these...I'm so screwed up and I can't cry now...it's like my tear duct is being blocked emotionally! I just keep laughing at things and resume back to normal life..as though nothing happened. I'm guessing I'm numb...I'm guessing I'm fearful of getting rejected and hurt again and trying so hard not to embarrasses myself again.

If I were to be so naive and innocent...I would think Afal somewhat like me...and I would think Hakim is totally into me...which is not lah..hehe. I know Adib used to say, think of the positive things and it will come to you...but I think they are things which are just not meant for us even how hard we try to think about it!

Hakim is another interesting 'presence' in my life..I have too much negative thoughts on him yet I'm enjoying his company without having any emotional attachments. Considering the signals that Hakim gave me, any girls will think he likes me. But no words came out from his mouth...so? Nothing is confirmed. Plus he's not the kind that I CAN'T MAKE HIM SAY...so I let it rest.... :D

I say if something's gonna happen let it be the other way round...I've been an idiotic for all my life.

I think I've said enough....back to organic chem.

Kampong!

2010-07-27T22:42:00.004+08:00

Just got back from Malaysia yesterday.... :)

Although I was sick when I reached there...well up till now! It was a nice change of environment~

Met my grandparents, happy that I made my parents happy and best of all happy to see my mom happy coz she got to meet her parents~

I took lotsa pictures there! Mostly black and white...I'm still uploading it but FB is so slowwwww.

Tomorrow insyallah my new lappy will be delivered! It's a PINK FUJITSU LAPPIE!

And I just got my timetable!! OH IM SO ANXIOUS~

I hope my fever and cough subside by this Friday! I wanna meet Fiza and others...

Saturday going to Fizah's openhouse...meet up with Shikin, Faiza and Adib too insyallah~

My mom said ok to watch FIREWORKS from NDP! Next year I want to try get tix for NDP!

How does it feel to have a handsome boyfriend like Hakim eh? Hmmmmmmmmm best agaknyer?

ULAT BULU! Eeeee. Theres only 2 rite? Actually theres around 30 of them at that tree! GELI SEH!
My dad...
My mom count how much she spent already~ LOL
The way to sawah~
FIZA AND MARDIAH CHECK THIS OUT! :D
I LIKE THIS PICTURE :D
My dad asked me to take this picture...he said the tree looks like ALIEN! HAHAHA. It does look scary eh..
Bibik and nenek...my nenek is sick..she got the Alzheimer disease, thats why bibik fed her.
Atok!

MAK

2010-07-14T03:07:00.002+08:00

Oh so sinful.

Your sweet words tak boleh pakai one. :)

Well who would believe casanova's sweet words?

But first time he said something honest. He said, no you're not fatlah, you're plump. There's a big difference between fat and plump. Fat tu macam Erlin Montel! Kalau you banyak fats, then I apa? All tulang ke apa!?

Thanks ah Mr Casanova.

2010-07-11T15:13:00.002+08:00

I worked for 13hrs yesterday. My WHOLE BODY is aching. Reached home 3am O.O

I'm so glad that I met Mahera...she always managed to show me a different perspective of life..she can automatically change my paradigm after sharing her uni-life stories. She shared with me Murphy's Law...hahaha now I can't get it out my mind.

Cool stuffs you got there Mahera.

Passport? PASSED, to be collected next week!
Balik kampong? Yes of course insyallah :D
Enrollment packaged? Got it and to be mailed by this coming Wednesday~
New laptop? Insyallah soon too :)
Passion Card? APPLIED!!!!

Big Walk? :( no friends to go with plus the application closed already.

Anyone interested to board the Singapore flyer for 15bucks? I got the price because of the Passion Card. Now till 31st August 2010.

2010-07-08T13:26:00.002+08:00

Picnic? Checked.
Spa? Checked.
Donate blood? Checked.
Meet up with Mahera? Checked.
Watch all sorts of movies at cinema? Checked and still on going! :D

SP enrollment package? Pending.
Passport application? Processing.
Azlina's engagement? SOON!
Balik kampung? Soon insyallah.
Buy new laptop? Must wait for the enrollment package.
Mendaki Tuition Fees Subsidy? Also waiting for the enrollment package.
I owe Lokman a date? Dang. I know.
SCHOOL? 2nd AUGUST!

Should I apply for PASSION card? Soon i be getting my student ez-link card.....but I like the discounts and promotion that comes along with it....

Anyway I'm happy that I managed to donate blood. Well I do wish I can do community service like Fizah or Mardiah did..but not sure how to so I guess donating blood is good enough?...Should suffice as an individual contribution right?

Honestly...the thought of BIG NEEDLE going into my vein is scary. Plus I hate to look at blood, it's not the blood but it's the reaction I got when I see it...people might say I'm scared of it but actually that's not what I'm feeling...the feeling is more like nervous and then lost control of my body. That's why I feel weak, hands and feet become cold.

I notice the same pattern also when I drove the buggy and my first time doing bar drinks...whenever I talk I will giggle. I'm actually NERVOUS. NOT SCARED. If I'm scared..let's say GHOST?...I won't GIGGLE. The feeling is totally different.

So can I say that I'm nervous when I see blood? But why do I feel that way? That is still a mystery...

Finally there's someone who agrees with me...there's always other things that we can talk about...INTELLIGENT STUFFS. EDUCATIONAL STUFFS.

Bodoh betol seh. warning, I really use vulgarities in this post

2010-07-07T04:06:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I was irritated by some guy who randomly added me at FB. As usual I was being friendly and nice, whatever your looks, age or education, I WILL BE NICE COZ I AM ACTUALLY.

And as usual, he's the kind that's looking for a girlfriend.

What irritates me is that, these people like to ask ARE YOU ATTACHED or SINGLE immediately after asking your name and age. In my opinion, these questions are personal so it's not nice asking about it just when you get to know that person...well BARELY KNOW. When I say I'm single, they will start to ask WHY, followed by HOW MANY EXs do I have. I'm really turned off and it's annoying! They seem to be so stupid...it's like they're lacking in basic conversation manners; stepping straight into people's personal matters. Why do they like to talk about these stuffs so much? There are other things that we can talk about...there are ALOT of things!

Back to this guy again, I said I'm not into these relationship things because I haven't meet the suitable and good guy for me yet and I'm not in the mood....then he said I'M NO GOOD BECAUSE IM NOT INTERESTED IN THESE STUFFS; LOSING HOPE and I'M STEREOTYPING ALL THE MALAY GUYS IN SINGAPORE AS ASSHOLE. What the fuck lah brother. You are so fucking stupid. I didn't stereotype anyone at all you shithead. You're really missing the point.

Ended up, he correlates my personal feelings and experience to his somewhat ingenious 100% unreliable self-made lack of proof and bullshit theory that SINGAPOREAN MALAY GIRLS ARE NO GOOD. He's comparing us to INDON and MALAYSIAN GIRLS.

You shithead. Who's stereotyping now?

Then he gave me an example. Try comparing a WILD SINGAPOREAN MALAY GIRL with a WILD INDON GIRL. He said, Indon girl, although they like to party2, they still know the basic religious knowledge.

You dickhead. The basic religious knowledge is NOT TO PARTY AT ALL!

He said, he has 30 exs. 2 of them from Malaysia and they're the best. The rest from Singapore...He's only 25 and has ex-girlfriends more than the no. of his age? Hahaha. Freak.

Then he still have the balls to say, boleh I berkenalan dengan you dengan rapat?

Hopeless siah.

I should have said I'm attached; maybe he'll leave me alone.

2010-07-01T20:55:00.003+08:00

Everyone agrees that life is about making mistakes but please don't repeat the same mistakes at least TRY NOT TO.

That's why sometimes when something happened and friendship is at stake..I will have a vivid flashback...

No I don't want to lose anymore friends. If the one that I've lost are not meant to be with me..it's alright, it left a great impact on me but hey it didn't work out and they don't care either..so I don't give a shit about them but please not the good friends. It's ok if I don't have best friends or close friends but I want to keep those good ones.

Recently I just did something stupid...meant to help a friend but something else was at stake. I hope she forgives me.

--------------------------------------------

Now let's talk about coffee.

I'm not a coffee fan. I drink coffee like less than 10 times a year~ :D

Since working at Starbucks is about coffee...now I can differentiate the 4 distinct taste of coffee! Some taste like SOIL. Some taste like COCOA/CHOCOLATE. Some are NUTTY and there coffee that taste FRUITY AND BERRY-ISH.

Initially I couldn't believe it..but after I tasted it...it does have a very distinct taste! Dang. The chocolatish ones are the best! :D

I avoid the ones that taste like soil...opps ok let's call it EARTHY. heheh.

-------------------------

Yesterday I had a real genuine nice time with Sadidah~ Went for spa at Body Contours, had some great seafood lunch at Magic Wok, ate brazil nuts chocolate and all butter chocolate chip coooooookie! XD

The day before, I met Rizal after work...yar with my black sneakers and all black uniform. Went for dinner at Fig & Olive...guhz...nothing special seh tat place...I prefer FIKA. :D After that we went to watch Letters to Juliet....It was a bit draggy at first...but it's so touching and sweet..I cried at the last few moments...plus hey its filmed at VERONA!!!!! I loveee that place.

After that...things went abit awkward for us. :/ *deep deep sigh*

-----------------------------------------

Sunday my off day..I want to donate blood! :D

Since byk jugak kawan2 aku yang interested in SPA one day I shall bring them to spa...well if there's good offer ah. If not bankrupt sia.

2010-06-29T00:36:00.003+08:00

On Sunday, my cousin got married, met the rest too. All so grown up, pretty, happy and ATTACHED. They even brought their other half to the wedding...*deep sigh*

Is this what they call peer pressure?? Damn I feel it now...my friends, my cousins they all had their fair chance of having someone and most of them are soo in love right now. And what the hell am i doing here? Part-time making coffee and soon taking degree. It feels so lousy being a 'good girl' all these years. Of course I don't plan to be one...just that, that's they way I am.

And when those weird moments come, you will start to question again, what's wrong with me?

Now, even if I say I want to be with someone, it won't happen magically! And I hate the same old story that's been happening in my life. *another deep sigh*

My heart feels calm that I don't like anyone right now, just like when I was in Sec 1 and 2 but I'm facing this out of place feeling when I meet my friends.

Yeah, to most people at the age of 22, you must have at least ONE EX. I think that's the norm.

I dread when people ask me why am I still single and what kind of guy I like. The thing is I DON'T KNOW. I don't know what kind of guy I like. I only know that I like someone after I see and interact with the person and most of the time it didn't turn out the way I want.

I enjoy watching Bridget Jones Diary....I watched it a few times already, I even keep replaying my favourite part. But I don't want to wait till 33 to be in love. I don't wanna be a spinster, get fat and grow old alone.

Now this is the kind of feeling that managed to make me cry...not rejection by guys that I like. Not that anymore.

I was kinda baffled the way I react when I found that someone was attached. Then I remembered that I actually prayed to Him that if he's not for me please relieve me from any pain. And it did happen! What a miracle....it's pain-less.

So if I'm heart broken, I can still find ways to bring myself up again, but if I'm having this relationship peer-pressure, that will be a real challenge for me to be positive all day long...

Stop telling me one day I will meet the right person. I will Insyallah but it's annoying to hear that NOW.

Plus I find it rude too when you ask me how am I and my' love-life' is like ,which after a few seconds you will shove it off away and feed me with you high-on-love romantic stories. Don't. Thank you.

2010-06-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

It feels ticklish when tears are dripping down the face..

The Frog Prince - KEANE

An old fairytale told me
The simple heart will be prized again
A toad will be our king
And ugly ogres our heroes

Then you'll shake
Your fist at the sky
"Oh why did I rely
On fashions and small fry?"

All promises broken
Feed your people or lose your throne
And forfeit your whole kingdom
I'd sooner lose it than still live in it alone

You were our golden child
But the gentle and the mild
Inherit the earth, while

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go
Cos now we all know

Soon, someone will put a spell on you
Perfume, treasure, sorcery, every trick they know
You will lie in a deep sleep
That's when

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go
Cos now we all know

2010-06-18T22:26:00.005+08:00

Abang2 sachok..hahaha. What language is that?

Maybe I can try help people clear their mind, analyze the situation and help them make decision better but when comes to my own things...I always face difficulties. Why is that so?

I'm not facing any difficulties or what..just wondering.

I think I got the idea where he's working...if people don't tell details but it has been stated twice or thrice about the profession, I guess he just don't want to reveal the company and location. Reason? Might be something he choose not to disclose but if asked I'm sure he'll tell.

YAY I PASSED MY BAR TEST! BAR BAR BAR BAR BAR BAR! But I still need to practice doing them seh...memorizing them alone is not enough and I hope as I practice my speed will improve too...

SCHOOL STARTING SOON. Dang.

2010-06-16T22:01:00.003+08:00

I'm glad that I managed to meet up Fizah and Mardiah before they fly off! The picnic was simple and nice, it's at Marina Barrage. Well although I was a bit disturbed with whatever memories left with me, we managed to have fun! Watched The A-team with Fizah too! It was AWESOME :D

The day before the picnic, I went Daiso with Riz...skali terserempak Mardiah~ Hahahahah. The experience was so funny. Mardiah was funny. Managed to get the items that will make the whole picnic like a 'real picnic' as requested by Mardiah~ Hehe actually I've been wanting to have a real picnic stuffs too!

A few days later, I met Fizah again and Sadidah! It's been EONS since I last see her~ After sending off Fizah, we went for a late lunch at Seoul Garden Hot Pot previously known as Fresh Bulgogi. FUH MAKAN BESAR SIA~ :D I managed to snap a few pics to before my camera batt die = =

Then then jumpa Riz again. Then then terserempak bapak aku. YAY!

Riz....riz....riz *sigh* He seems really nice. He managed to touched my heart and feelings.

Hmm I thought of joining 2010 BigWalk. Saper eh yang free..fizah will be away, sadidah got work, mahera I think won't be at Singapore by then..Mardi? :(

Next donate blood and spa treats! :D

2010-06-03T00:58:00.006+08:00

Why another dream of you! Damn. Must be out of my mind.

Random thought: At some point, I wish I was younger.

Anyway suddenly I remember of this nice green tea latte drink at  Tampines One. (I'm like craving for it now)That day after Bistro, I went  there to accompany my junior buy some stuffs for her friend. Then we  visited Teadot. It's a really nice place to hangout and study, the  drinks look really yummy!! So in the end I bought that green tea latte  frappe, OMG! It's soooo nice~

So there's another place to hangout yar? Try and visit Teadot! It's at  level 2 of Tamp One if I'm not wrong. :D

2010-06-02T00:04:00.005+08:00

Things happened so fast, within 7 days I've changed to another job. Life goes on.

I know somewhere deep in my BRAIN I'm still in bistro program...

I'm so touched that they gave me a really nice wallet from Charles and Keith and the sweeeeet card! Gerald got a really good taste! The days that I spent with them is even better than whatever we did on my last day. :)

I'm so touched and feel like crying when Sharon hugged me!!! OHMU~

And after so long, I get to meet Shikin, Faiza, Fizah and Adib! At Spize again...I'm so hopeless, I still eat the same BULLET PEPPERCORN CHICKEN! But I think the mee goreng Fizah ate is niceee! Next time must try~

2010-05-30T18:53:00.003+08:00

Ahhahaha.....

I want to help people but in the end I forgot about myself...

I have good intentions of helping him..but I forgot, if he were to join the same one, I be working with him!!!!

damnsobodohsiah.

There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing ethically or religiously wrong about it. Instead it's good to help people~

Bbbbut...

Letting my biggest crush know every side of me is definitely not in my wishlist! The side where Faisal, Gerald, Yu Xuan or even Alex seen is really what I don't want him to see. I'm so scared of what he will think of me afterward....selenge moment, penat nak mampos, burok nak mampos, I'm fat and ugly, paiseh moments, bodoh moments, bingit moments, kena marah moments...you know that kind of moments.

I be happy if it can help him but I will do something else then, the least is I will beg my boss not to put us together. Just between me and my handsome boss. hehe.

Hmmm whatever it is, I hope he's ok and willing to take this job coz I thought it suits him since he has the experience at Mc Cafe already, then it must be an easy job.

2010-05-29T20:38:00.002+08:00

Can I really learn how to like someone? And eventually love someone?

I'm always the boring kind. With the Google-kind of mind and science-oriented brain, I can't help it but to be a nerd.

The decent, clean and Ms Too Nice kind. Surrounded with doubts and question. Difficult to decide when comes to heart matters. Scared to take any risk. Scared of things that I'm unable to foresee. Scared of rejection coz it makes me feel really unwanted, weird and useless.

Sometimes I'm UP UP there, then suddenly I'm DOWN DOWN there.

Then when someone suddenly disappear just like that...the most childish thought would be, am i really that ugly and fat that you disappear just like that?

*sigh*

As days goes by, I learnt that it's his way of saying no to me. Like what the others did too, either ran away, avoid or turn cold. It's just the way they are. It's just how the world works.

A short update.

2010-05-29T16:09:00.003+08:00

Ok confirm...next Monday is my last day at Bistro. I hope it's for the best. *redha*

So now I'm working part-time at Starbucks...my pay is definitely reduced! :(

But it's ok...insyallah diberkati. :)

ohmu...hanie is pretty :)

Ya Allah....tabahkan hati ni...

2010-05-12T22:48:00.004+08:00

I'M REALLY ANNOYED with TP STUDENTS THAT PATRONIZE BISTRO...of course not all but this year there's alot of RUDE STUDENTS. *lazy to blog in detail*

Sometimes I just wonder why someone who's taking diploma doesn't have common sense in them at all. Example, squeezable chilli sauce bottles. Our bottles have white cover. Basically these students, take the bottle and squeeze it without opening the cover. Well at first they TRIED TO LOOK IF THERES ANY COVER NEED TO BE REMOVE, but they just can't figure it out, so what they did was, SQUEEZE IT AND SEE FROM WHERE THE SAUCE WILL COME OUT. EUREKA! The sauce will be squeezed out from the sides thus the WHOLE BOTTLE BECOME A MESS. The fact that there's NO ORIFICE for the sauce to come out is not enough to convince them that SOMEHOW SOMEBODY NEED TO REMOVE THE GODDAMN BLOODY COVER.

Why don't you try ask around...like erm...the staffs? Good idea right?

Anyway, there are some lecturers that squeeze it without opening it too. *haiz*

Next....when putting back their soiled plates and cups at trolley....they just can't seem to get A TRAY TO PUT ALL THE PLATES. Maybe they thought the EMPTY SPACE WILL HOLD THEIR PLATES. Or maybe they just LOVE TO HOLD THEIR PLATES AND WAIT FOR US TO WELCOME IT FROM THEM~

Come on man...ITAS and OTHER CANTEENS PRACTICE THIS OK.

Next, they just couldn't figure how and which way to slot in the trays....HORIZONTAL OR VERTICAL. Can't you gauge by the size of the metallic holder? It's really a BIG DIFFERENCE. Maybe I will provide a signage, PLEASE TAKE A TRAY AND SLOT IT IN VERTICALLY NOT HORIZONTALLY BECAUSE IT JUST CAN'T HOLD DUE TO THE READY-MADE TROLLEY WIDTH.
Another goondu thing. They LOVE TO SLOT IN THEIR TRAYS only on the top part of the trolley. The rest will then jammed up the walk-way trying to figure out HOW TO SLOT IN MORE TRAYS AT THE TOP PART. For goodness sake, the trolley is approx. 1.7m can fit up to 40 trays. Whatever happen to the below part????? *haiz*

I know it's not right to say this, but hey why so stupid?

Oh wait...is somebody going to say that I'm too smart thats why I manage to figure out all these stuffs? Is somebody going to blame my brain again? Too scientific lah, too smart lah, too genius lah etc. Honestly what's so smart about these stuffs? It's COMMON SENSE. You are just a bodoh, sour-grape girl. Ok this got nothing to do with Bistro. Heh. Just some memories about someone...

-----------

She's the one that did the curls for me~ :D

just don't let your crush crush you.

2010-05-11T20:58:00.004+08:00

"I must be out of my mind"

Now that's what happen to a lost heart...

I'm happy because of the wrong reasons and it's definitely about the wrong person!

When jealousy hit my heart it felt terrible!

And I love the attention given by him~~

I loveeee his strong arms. Hahahah. My favourite of all.

Bloody hell. I love it when he call me early morning and messages me.

haz with strangers.

2010-05-08T14:21:00.006+08:00

Yesterday I waited 190 for 40mins. I gave up, I went to the other bustop to take 700. And so I waited for another 20mins! OMG. I was so tireddddd....in the end 700 came, when I board it, the driver turns out to be a nice malay uncle. We talked till reach bukit panjang interchange. He initiated it....from there I know how BUS SERVICE WORKS! Plus...it's not easy being a bus driver!!!! Extra info: For starters the pay is $1250.

At least that uncle made me forget about my tiredness.

I had alot of conversation with drivers... I don't know why it happened, it's normal right?.......O.O

This is for Fizah and Mardi and it's random... :)

And...theres only 36 weekdays left at Bistro. :D

But i think i'll miss them....I'll miss ah boy too!

2010-05-05T20:37:00.004+08:00

4166.25.

WHERE CAN I GET THAT MONEY? Get a super rich boyfriend. :D

Anyway...i should talk about last sunday outing. I gave it a try with Riz again. I think at this rate, he turns out to be a sweet guy....he said something sweet to me. He turns out to be ok.

Soon he'll start his part-time diploma and degree at SP too.

Making people happy makes me feel nice too. He does look happy that day....

But...haiz I dono...

On the other hand...my secret small little playful for fun crush is getting a bit out of hand...don't want it to be so obvious.....

Confessions.

2010-05-02T10:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I just want to be that petite small frame girl at least I don't have to worry about being bigger and taller than any guy I go out with.

Sometimes I just wish the guy that I like, likes me back badly. It saves time. Really.

2010-05-01T21:10:00.002+08:00

Why is it so HARD TO WAKE UP EARLY MORNING?? I want to see that beautiful morning sunrise and breath in the fresh cool air! Urgh. I'm really disappointed with myself. It's always like that every Saturday and Sunday!

Yesterday night I went BUGIS ALONE LAH SEH! Went shopping alone. I'm not a loner just that it's last minute kind of thing...don't think anyone can make it. Heee. $_$

I hate it when I do something and then it reminds me of doing the same thing for another person. It's like there's this small part in my brain conscious of the actions. Yar yar some will see it as, favoritism, boot-licking, too nice, submissive bla bla. But it's just me and sometimes it gets awfully bad when I like that person.

I just don't want to be a provider anymore, I don't want to do the extra mile, I don't want to bother, I don't want to TRY SO HARD.

Don't you tease my female hormone you young testosterone producer!

2010-04-30T22:50:00.001+08:00

So it was true. His dad passed away this Wednesday. :(

I could really use a wish right now.

2010-04-28T21:39:00.003+08:00

The headache was really horrible today. ugh.

My phone is SPOILED. *sigh*

If I'm a billionnaire, I can just tell my secretary I need another phone immediately~

Yesterday I watched It's Complicated; Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. I just wanna say...Having an affair with your ex-husband might be awesome, it's like a revenge with all the intense breakup sex, all the thrilling adventure hiding from everyone, having a secret lover etc but....don't you think it's kinda humiliating? At that point of time, you are actually your ex-husband's mistress. A MISTRESSSSS!!?? Plus you will experience emotion confusion.

It is complicated....husband seh....anyway..I LIKE MERYL STREEP~ Heee.

Abg Fadhlur just updated his blog....it's a bit melancholic...behind that handsome face there's a troubled heart :(

Mr Art-ificial

2010-04-26T23:24:00.003+08:00

YEAH! I managed to catch the last episode of ART & EL!

I think Elrina character is AWESOME!~ (although the major reason of watching that drama is because of Mr Fadh :P)

I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad, buy all of the things i never had.

degree.pretty.skinny.

Yu xuan: Haz why you throw away the things that they guys gave you??? If they give things just TAKE! CAR...MONEY...

Haz: Sheesh. I'm not stooopid. If give me CAR and MONEY of course I won't give it away!!!!! I'll be the stupidest human ever live siaaah!

FHA 2010

2010-04-23T22:03:00.010+08:00

YEAAAAH! HACCP PASS. Bagos. Dah habes. Menyeboks betols. Hehe. Alhamdulillah everything went well. :D

On tuesday I went to FHA. Ask for samples here and there and give away cards! My boss was too tired so I did all the talking and what nots~ As usual theres high tech big machines, innovative and new food ingredients, fine food, new food, all sorts of coffee, teas and liquors etc just that this time around...I GET TO EAT LOTSA GELATO!!! Wohoooooooo. tak ingat dunia seh...I think I tried around 15 flavours in the end I feel damn sick. O.O

I'm so tired. Physically and emotionally.

Here are some of the pictures! I took with my sammy~ :D

But not much because i was too tired to snap...

With Sharon~

Hahaha what sia Sharon's face! Too tiredd

Gerald and Huining

I call it coffee love....I love the rounds of hearts. Made by Henri! The awesome barista from Boncafe.

Another awesome work by Henri~

Can I make a new FB account now? I want to add Abg Fadh. Hahahahah. I want someone like Abg Fadh can??? XD

ya allah

2010-04-19T22:43:00.005+08:00

Ya Allah. I feel so malu right now.

I really really find abang Fadhlur Rahman handsome. Gosh. I admit not my usual type....but I find him really handsome...so maybe that's how my type is when i hit 22years old?

Can forget those cute geeky ones.

Haha I miss this innocent feeling..... :)

He's the 3rd Malay guy that I think is handsome!

Ok this may sound childish but it makes me happy! I found his facebook too!!!!

Can you believe that I look forward for Monday because of Art and El?!?!?!?!?! I mean..WHO LOOK FORWARD FOR MONDAY SEH!

2010-04-18T14:44:00.004+08:00

Tumblr looks awesome...makes me feel like moving there.

The reason why I stick to blogspot is because I'm used to it. Maybe deep down I'm sick of it already.

I'll move soon.

Maybe I'll change my email too.

August is the time to change handphone!

When July comes, I want to donate blood, visit flea market and Salvation Army Thrift Store. What else eh? Oh! I've been wanting to make my own kimchi and donuts!! :D

I want to go Botanical Gardens for a picnic. I want to prepare my own sandwich and fruit salad and bring my future-to-be Fuji Instax and Sammy!

Earthquake news can be heard all over the world huh....there's bigger things out there Hazzie. Bigger problems..

Anyway remember this? Cartoon Heroes by Aqua!! :D

attached? oh?

2010-04-18T13:40:00.004+08:00

He's...attached now? Really?

.....

....

...

..

.

KCIK KCIK!

2010-04-17T22:22:00.006+08:00

I bought that pretty awesome camera...XD

I met Mahera too!~ yeay ^ ^

Btw..does any of you know what this is? It looks like a dead bird or bat...but why is it dangling from Sultan Mosque's qubah?.....At first, Mahera and I thought it looks like some witchcraft things O.O....or maybe it acts as a bait or to scare away some animal....?

Any idea what that is??

2 more months to work. Time to save every penny I earn....O.O

That handsome man is soooo handsome!!!! arghhh. can't stop smiling whenever I see him. His thoughts seems interesting too....hahahahah

My mother gave up with my squeals~ :D

2010-04-16T20:21:00.004+08:00

Well I believe it's a good news...it's a prayer that has been answered, it's a love that has been accepted, right now I just need to work it out. Insyallah.Maybe I'm just down with love luck.

And I swear one of my SIP student is acting weird with me right now....

fyi it's agonizing

2010-04-15T20:50:00.003+08:00

I just visited my friends blog....here and there everybody's getting tired and stress. That's just how life is right?

Sometimes I can feel this mild melancholic loneliness crawling up to my heart....although it's mild...sometimes it can become draggy... :(

At times, I feel that they are lucky coz they found their love ones, some are taking their degree, some got their driving license, some are driving their own vehicle, some found their dream job, some got no worry for money, some just like have everything. When I look at myself....I don't really have anything yet.

Don't talk about love or dates. They make me sigh oh-so-long-and-deep. Everywhere I go, when I see similar streets, buses, restaurants just that something we did together...the memories will come back rolling to me.

I'm just holding on and taking things step by step. Seriously step by step. Tomorrow is the day..I'm taking half-day. Hopefully it will be something good. I just hope I don't lose both.

Dear Allah, give me the best and most suitable oh Allah. I will be very grateful to You. Amin.

The 2 SIP students that are attached to me looks oh-so-young or maybe I'm just feeling old. Hahaha.

Young boys these days really know how to flirt with older woman ah? O.o

21 days to go..

2010-04-13T21:38:00.002+08:00

Hee! I found more pics at FACEBOOK! I used my sis account lah...I still don't have one...

My mom said, he's handsome too! Hahahah.

But I think, he's not that photogenic...he looks better in TV especially in Art & El !!!

Omg...

That's his brother in Art and El...forgot what's his name. hahaha. But I remember one of the episode the brother said "Sorry sergeant saya bodoh sergeant." Something like that ah..like so cute seh...adek tengah marah and then abang said like that..hahahah~

To mardi: Remember that Hakim the handsome guy I told you?...his looks is this kind, just that he's very fair and younger. :)

2010-04-13T00:23:00.006+08:00

I feel shy to say this actually.....but I really think this actor, Fadhlur Rahman is handsome.

You can catch him as Art Shamsudin at Suria, Art dan El 9.30pm every Monday.

I got this pic from his personal blog: http://fadhlur-rahman.blogspot.com/

It's ok to put his pic here right? O.O Well he's not like other artists...Like Dean Fujioka or Sezairi...theres like lotsa girls posting their pics..

2010-04-12T01:07:00.004+08:00

Now this is handsome to me, Japanese handsome-ness!!!! :D

Fujioka Tatsuo/Dean Fujioka

He looks a bit like Kamenashi Kazuya and Yosuke Kubozuka!!!!~~

Kyaaa kawaii~

He looks like kame right!!?

He got that distinctive Japanese eyes.

Looks young neh? He's 30 this year! :D

Just have a little patience..

2010-04-12T00:21:00.004+08:00

Oh I screamed and squealed when I saw Sezairi at TV! Hahahahahah.

My mom's reaction..."OI! APAHAL!?"

Muahahahahahah. Baru TV seh.... I know some people out there don't find him handsome pon...especially when he's in NS.

I'm not his fan...I don't even know his AGE!!!!!!!!!!

Out of the 3 Singapore Idol I like Sezairi only...The rest I preferred Sylvester and Jonathan! : )

I know Fiza and Shikin likes Hady....who likes Taufik???? Hazwani likes Sezairi!!!~

Tomorrow suppose to go work but I'm sick... :(

I just hope after 23 April all the good things will come to me. Oh please oh Allah.

I gotta have a little more patience....

To Mahera: Sorry aku tak tersms kau, I'm really sick. Biler boleh jumpa yer? Next Sunday?

I lose faith...I lose hope...I'm just broken.

2010-04-08T21:19:00.005+08:00

Maybe I'm just being emo right now, maybe I ate too much seaweed, maybe work is stressing me out, maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I inhaled too much alcohol but whatever it is...all I know is that I'm broken... Sezairi's song somehow managed to squeeze the tears that I held in.

It's just oh so pointless. Shame shame shame!

I need to pull through at least for this month. I need to hang on...

What's the point of doing this and that...Change his mind? Move his heart?

Oh Allah....help me out here.

What would you call when all memories have been wiped out? I call it miracle.

I like this particular song...it's nice...at first I thought it was Jason Castro's new song...but at the last part....the 'Ohhh' gives me goosebumps and by then I'm sure it's not Jason Castro!

Weird Mr People-Say-He's-Handsome

2010-04-04T23:16:00.005+08:00

He just contacted me again yesterday. Yes yes I deleted his number. Ego strikes in yar! Yes I'm ego with him only. hahahaha. yes for the fun of it.....

He just got his license and ask me out 11.30pm baik ah...aku tak pernah kluar dengan laki at that time seh. I said no...then he said....I'm driving lah...I told him to wait. He said, jangan paksa diri kalau tak boleh. Then I told him bukan paksa diri, tengah tanya permission kan. After that I know he gonna say, it's ok lah, next time jek. And it's true he did said that. So I said, my dad said ok but if you cancel now its fine with me too.

Then he said, OK SET! Dia memang gitu suka patahkan semangat orang. I know his bloody pattern. Sheesh. What kind of man is that!

So we went to watch Clash of the Titans. ( I just couldn't comprehend why their God has weakness, then what's the point of being God?...Overall it was ok, and some of the creatures looks SCARRRY but Medusa look super animated. The point to see Kraken emerge is super slow for me...and he reminds me of DOOMS mutated creature O.O)

I asked for his number. He said, lost it or you deleted  it? Heh. I know he gonna ask me that. Dia betol2 tau perempuan macam  mana...yarlah got lotsa experience per..But heh I know his next move.

It feels kinda weird that he's driving....nothing happen. It's still boring with Mr People-Say-He's-Handsome.

Then he said, "eh that day, I saw you dalam bus lagi...tgh sms lagi..."

Wahlao. Budak ni eh...Asyik2 terserempak dengan aku dah tu bukan nak tegor. Apa2lah...

Now tell me who's the weirdo?

I don't care if he wants to say I'm fat. Or I walk weirdly or apa2lah....he always kenakan me.

Note: Btw...I apologize if I caused alot of confusion to my friends whenever I use the word He....eeps. Sorry Mardiah...

2010-04-04T02:09:00.002+08:00

I missed the sezairi scene at suria today because i was too engross with the discussion i had with my dad. O.O

Anyway....

Healthy people :D

2010-04-02T22:13:00.004+08:00

It's a 2008 video..but the message is evergreen. : )

Let's be healthy. As for me, I gotta lose weight for the right reason...need to be healthy! :)

GEMOK.

2010-04-01T23:06:00.003+08:00

"Dah gemok sekarang..."

Thanks. Now i'm extra depressed. As a matter of fact I have weighing  scale at home to check out ok.

I'm kinda annoyed listening to that remark of her. But actually she didnt do anything wrong. It's true, I gained weight. Last year, 2009 I lost lotsa weight. That was obvious but people don't know that it was UNHEALTHY or what caused it. I can't even run. I get tired easily.  

I'm sure there's nothing to be happy about being FAT or gaining weight except that AT LEAST I DON'T FEEL LIKE A CRAZY PERSON LIKE LAST TIME. Crazy, stressed out, paranoid. You wouldn't know how I feel last time.

But on the other hand.....if I stayed longer with him, I could optimize that opportunity to lose more eh? Hahaha. Don't you think so? Whenever he's near me, I just couldn't EAT! That's like the best thing ever!!!!!!!

S.O.S

2010-03-28T22:58:00.004+08:00

Guhz. He confessed to me now. What am i supposed to do??

Ohmygod. Seriously work is terrible now. Just don't. I don't want to think about relationships.

Just NOT YET.

I'm still new at handling my WORK. I'm just not in the mood to handle RELATIONSHIPS.

I want awesome job. awesome future and lotsa money.

I'm 22. I can really feel I'm 22 years old. Please don't offer me relationships like those teenager days.

Sheesh. What the hell is wrong with me. damn.

Friends...please help me. : (

I tell him... "Enjoy each others company first"

Hows that???? Can right????

A and B

2010-03-28T12:18:00.002+08:00

I said I like A but if suddenly I became worried about B that doesn't mean my feelings for A has changed right. That doesn't mean I'm faltering.

It's just because I feel that B has less emotion stability than A. I'm sure A can stand on his own. B always worries me, he tends to do unnecessary things, saying weird stuffs and always sick.

I messaged B and he's still sound and alive. Just went for an operation. He don't want to tell me. Guhz.

As for A, my mind always keep wondering about him. But nah, insyallah Allah will keep him safe. : )

SHIT?!

2010-03-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

How did I ended up with triple eyelids? I really hate it!!!!! I love my double eyelids! Why won't it go away!?!?!?!?! It makes me feel UNBEAUTIFUL!

Macam aku beautiful in the first place. :P

Anyway.....what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see this shop name:

SAI SIA Pte Ltd.

WHY WOULD SOMEONE GIVE THEIR SHOP NAME AS SHIT SIA?! Gosh.

Serious..of all name it's SAI??? haiyo...

Toni and Guy

2010-03-27T14:16:00.004+08:00

Ok. I had a very rough week. The coming weeks will also be rough. Extra rough and tough. I just don't like the feeling of it but it's alright I guess I need to do things one by one but definitely not slowly...

This week alone, I've cursed too much. So many F-word...what a sin man....

I went Toni and Guy to blow curls. It's free, those students wants to try out things so yar I went there despite my pack schedule. That's where I met a cute booch and she paid my cab fare when going back home. I got to say she did a good job massaging my aching HEAD! Like a spa.....

I still remember her trainer said this, "Stop masturbating the hair! Just blow it!"

hahahaha masturbating the hair!??!! Blow it?!?!  XD

I'm having hard time deciding things now. Sometimes I just feel like not consulting anyone at all. It sucks. When you ask for help and then they say one thing and question you back then leave everything for me to decide. When I decide they blame me when something happens. STOP THE FUCKING BLAME. It won't bring US anywhere. Seriously that's not helping.

Yes i've been really vulgar these days. I really need to rest....but I guess I can't rest yet.

Ok ok....this is the curls...it looks nicer actually...but I didnt get the chance to snap a photo at the saloon..this is how it looks like after I wear back my tudung...can still see the curliness right??? Ignore the super white face for 2nd pic. My camera is annoying.

It feels WEIRD. Having something bouncy near my neck! hahaha. But it didn't make me look that different right? Coz my hair is naturally wavy too..

I really miss ayapa now. Somebody hit my head can?....I dont know how I found the time to think about him amidst those hectic work. O.o

FIFO and some useful facts for you ladies~

2010-03-13T11:44:00.008+08:00

I'm not an impulsive buyer...well not anymore. I'm a faithful consumer. I stick to the one that is affordable, suitable and effective! : )

But right now I have a problem.

I need to finish up all moisturizer and body lotions that people gave me before buying a new pack! It's so sayang to throw them away...

Seeing them on my dressing table collecting dust makes me feel sad...I don't want to waste things.

I seriously need to practice FIFO. FIRST IN FIRST OUT!

AND I NEED TO THROW AWAY A LOT OF UNUSED MAKE UP COZ MOST OF IT EXPIRED 2-3 YEARS AGO! (I didn't buy them....my sis gave it to me)

Something to share with you all~ (I'm sure I don't have male readers....)

The shelf-life of typical cosmetics is 18 to 24months. So ladies do check your make up box yar! :D

The shelf-life of a bra before it loses the ability to support your assets is 3months; 3 months means wearing that same particular bra everyday for I dono how many hours. Wash everyday and wear it again and again for 3 consecutive months. If you have that kind of bra in your closet, time to throw it away and get a new one!

Cotton on's and Pierre Cardin's is good enough plus it's affordable and pretty! If you have more $ get WACOAL or TRIUMPH~

Ladies, washing your hair everyday does not affect the health of your hair. It's OK to wash it everyday plus it helps to reduce any risk of pimples popping out! Coz most of the bacterias come from the greasy hair.

Before using any product on your face,apply that same hand sanitizer that they always promote during SARS and H1N1 period on your palm, concentrating on your fingers. Then proceed with your daily face moisturizing or whitening regime~

It doesn't eliminite but it helps to reduce pimple breakouts! :D

2010-03-12T23:10:00.006+08:00

These days, my taste in music change drastically.....

I'm like into these sweet sweet hip hop kind of music. ( I really don't know what is the genre)

Tinchy Stryder feat Amelle - Never Leave You
Jay Sean - Do you remember
Lemar - The way love goes
JLS - Everybody in love
Jason Derulo - Whatcha say
Jason Derulo - In my head
B.O.B feat Bruno Mars - Nothin on you
Chipmunk - Oopsy Daisy

And the list goes on and on....

Omg...I love these too!

Jason Castro - Let's just fall in love again
Michael Buble - Haven't met you yet
Timbaland feat Katy Perry - If we ever meet again

Whenever it plays, it will seriously UPLIFT MY MOOD! :D

I love to cook and bake. I bake and cook for love but it seems insignificant to them now.

So...anybody in love? If you are, do put your hands up!

Queasiness.

2010-02-28T10:54:00.003+08:00

Just moments ago, I saw something from the internet. It made me feel queasy...now that is not good isn't it?

Maybe things or people that made me feel queasy is not good for me.

It's not jealousy, it's just being hopeful....

This is what happen to me, sometimes I can really pick up small details or recognize something indistinct immediately and that something will trigger something in my mind...you know like dapat ilham...it rings a bell...got to do with your intuition. Then everything will start to patch up like puzzles and suddenly I know that I knew something....nobody told me but I guess He told me. Have you experience such things before? It usually happens when you keep thinking about something and you wish you know something...then He gave you an answer just like that...

If it's something bad...I will feel queasy.

I don't want to repeat the same old mistake...so I believe I should just distant myself, more like I want to let go of it...

2010-02-22T21:52:00.001+08:00

Look at his eyes....

let's rewind a bit. :D

2010-02-22T00:51:00.003+08:00

I usually blog when I'm bored and when I have something stuck in my mind that I've been yearning to let it out! But most of the time....I don't publish it OR I will delete it after a few hours.

Why? Because sometimes I feel it's too negative or sometimes the thought or feeling about that particular post faded away and I feel ashamed of myself when i re-read it. It usually happens when I read back and I feel that I should not portray such negative things; hatred, depression, sadness, anger, too romantic, too imaginary, weird etc.

Does any of you experience this? I'm such person and I do care what people think of me...most of the time...

Anyway...just a few minutes ago, I remembered something. I remembered someone laughed at me when i was taking my NAPFA test. It was an evil laugh, mocking at you and it keeps ringing in your head...but that happened last time. I was really embarrassed because there were other students around me. I did really poor for the test. I am aware of my standard but I really think such laughter are cruel. That laugh actually came from 'friend' which now I think is a scary little woman with big foul mouth.

Then I think, what if I tell how I felt to some of my close friends that were there. I reckon they will say, "It's alright lah, she's always like that, she even laughed at other people, I'm sure she didn't mean it or direct only at you." Well I'm not happy with that reply. I don't know I just feel it's really cruel. That little woman with big foul mouth actually have a real sensitive heart that really can't take other people's opinion or criticism. Basically she takes in everything negatively and give out negatively too. Maybe I'm sensitive and still sensitive up till now but don't you think that you need to be sensitive if you were left to feel embarrassed in front of other people? Haiz.

Anyway..don't care about that little woman.

Now lets zoom in to that 'close friends'. When they give such reply, I have 2 thoughts, they are either being noble, trying to correct whats wrong and shifting the negative paradigm AND the other thought would be basically because he/she is not feeling what I'm feeling, just dismissing the matter. Nah I don't blame them...but how I wish things could be clearer and they can be fair. It's tough soothing a feeling but dismissing them just like that can be very disappointing for the friend.

When people complain to me...I might not be the best person to hear a problem but I will definitely put myself into that person's shoes and imagine whatever he/she feels. From there I will say honestly what I feel, telling that person what my heart feels and what my brain think is right. Oh wells...

OKAYS...better sleep now....BESOK KERJAAAA ARGH.

If only love can wait...

2010-02-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

" You're a great guy. "

I listened more and I just want to know more and that's what I got.

Thank you friend. :)

You can save the Earth with every bite.

2010-02-15T23:42:00.008+08:00

I'm not productive at all these few days! Guhz.....I feel lazy and bored! I went out but every place seems like a ghost town!

I actually brought my work to home.....and I have yet to start on it.....so.....I have backup plans for tomorrow!

And tomorrow is my mother's birthday! :D

Anyway...I watch FOOD Inc. It's a must watch film. It's more like a documentary about the food industries in U.S today...things change due to technology and science...things evolve to serve our DEMAND...it has benefit us in a lot of ways but now it seems more like a problem...some parts of the film really showed cruel scene....it's horrifying!...at some point I think POWER and MONEY can change a human to be some horrible greedy monster.

There's this one part, where an American farmer talks about his reared animals....then he went to the pig open-air sty and called out..."Hey pig~....Heeeeyyy pig~" XD

You can watch it TOM365 under documentary section. It's worth watching :)

http://www.tom365.cc/movie_2004/html/7741.html

You'll need to download QVOD player and it operates with IE only...hehehe.

They also have the book version! I want to get FOOD inc and Julie and Julia book :D
To Hafizah: This is the guy i think handsome but has weird NOSE! He's Adrien Brody...somehow...I can't stop thinking he's a JEWISH...is he???? Plus MATT DAMON DOESNT HAVE WEIRD NOSE!

Plus I seriously think Jude Law is devastatingly handsome!!!!!

DAMN IT.

2010-02-14T01:06:00.003+08:00

Damn it! Keep failing and failing!

This is so depressing and it's making me so mad!

I'm really burning inside and it's fueling my passion....I'm so not going to stop.

But how I wish I have the correct skills and knowledge.

I hate feeling so lost...Trial and error without any guidelines will take forever!

It's draggin me down and wasting my MONEY!

Every weekend...I smell like chocolate. O.O

You're shit out of your luck.

2010-02-09T20:55:00.005+08:00

I feel so lethargic and sick now. Plus it's only TUESDAY. : (

Today I had 2 weird nasty full of shit dreams. I remember there were Mahera, Jannah, Mur, Mardi, Mary...and other girlfriends too, the usual babes~ but the last part of it was so disgusting. I remember we went into this filthy wet market that sells live farm animals. I think we passed that place because we wanted to take shortcut to the carpark? We saw decomposed chickens and ducks, fishes and as we get deeper into the market I saw dogs and pigs! Some of it are still alive and they kept the pigs as though it was in the farm with all the shits all over the place. And the dogs....some of them were so bloody and WHO EAT DOGS SIAH! Shits. I was really disgusted when I woke up from that sleep.

Sick people get sick dreams.

In the afternoon I took a nap. It was such a disturbed nap. With the cramps I got from 1st day menses and another crappy dream! This time it was about MRT. Something wrong with the system and I was about to get hit by the TRAIN! It was something like an unseen force wants me dead, like the movie FINAL DESTINATION. Scary.

Anyway CNY coming....do you look forward for the holidays? Well it's the LONG WEEKENDS and NO WORK but honestly if my work place is just a little more better I don't mind working! SERIOUS. Plus look at the date...14 feb? *rolls eyes* No I dont want to get scolding from anyone but sometimes I'm so confusing. I want then I don't want. I don't know what's ruling me.

Fine, if we're really going to meet up again then we shall meet again.

I saw an electric keyboard $199. Sounds cheap to me.... but when can i get it?  What about the Fuji Instax....nyaaaaaaaaaaah. $_$

2010-02-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

I feel like a total failure.

This week was terrible enough.

I hate the morning traffic.

I was on the verge of breakdown during work.

It sucks so much.

Yesterday night I felt depressed.

This morning I felt so sick.

This noon I felt heartbroken.

Now I feel so down and sad.

How do I solve today's problem? I tried so many ways and now it's dragging me down.

What about tomorrow?

Tomorrow I shall try again. Take a rest and try again.

1hr-heroes

2010-02-03T21:26:00.003+08:00

Who says hero doesn't exist! Hahahha~ Everyday I feel like a tayar pancit superwoman but not today! Hahaha~ Just when I feel so tired....suddenly GLAD and FERDIAN showed up with their HYPER FACE! Came in and said...HI HAAAAZ~

Fuh I'm definitely grateful to Allah~

Plus it's GLAD and FERDIAN thats why I'm happy...heeee :)

he's too handsome... :(
so yar..... :(

2010-01-27T23:56:00.001+08:00

I don't have the guts, the heart, the confidence anymore to see you again. :(

doubtful.very,

2010-01-25T21:58:00.002+08:00

Maybe people who took your breath away is not good for you.

Maybe people you've been dreaming to be with is not good for you.

Maybe people who make your heart beat so fast is not good for you.

Maybe people who make your blood rush up to your face is not good for you.

People who's already around you are maybe good for you. So stop pushing them away....

My doubts and clouded mind is making people confused too....I'm actually scared of myself.

What if one day I'm with someone and then I fell for another? I dono which one I like best.

My dad used to say, I'm very fickle minded. Guhz.

Deal with it.

2010-01-20T21:12:00.006+08:00

I'm 22years old. :)

I just want to say thank you to everyone that gave me birthday wishes.

This year felt really different. I see new faces wishing me! :)

All the boys were there wishing me happy birthday too! Sharon and Chaywan actually gave me a surprise celebration. It was really sweet....And I'm happy I got to meet Ferdian today! Hahaha. So cute.

I miss Ayapa. And I'm scared to contact him again. Plus I don't have his number now.....and I just don't have the guts anymore.

I'm out.

music always able to reach to my heart.

2010-01-17T21:48:00.003+08:00

whatever the genre is, we all can appreciate good music and good talent.

from the movie Cadillac Records

and lastly, Somewhere Over the Rainbow from Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow.

pouts

2010-01-08T21:28:00.003+08:00

I feel guilty feeling so happy watching Spongebob Squarepants coz each day I'm getting older and soon I'll turn 22 years old....I just can't deny that I love watching cartoons...ok confessed.

Sometimes it feels soooooo lonely. I feel like smsing either him or him but I said no to myself. These are the few guys in my mind but...there's always a reason that popped in my mind that will make me go....*sigh* nevermind :(

Plus work is tiring...every work is tiring but it gets really baaaaaaad if we're shorthanded. So helpless. So tiring. So stupid. So fucked up. *sighs*

Anyway! Please enjoy the new song I put up at my blog! :D

Let's just fall in love again - Jason Castro

2010-01-07T21:17:00.003+08:00

I feel like going for KAKI MASSAGE!

2010-01-05T22:11:00.004+08:00

I'm not surprised at all. I erased and threw away everything. Immediately, when I know I'm about to get hurt, I numb myself and destroyed everything.

Now let me share with you all my latest favourites. : )

Goodnites everyone.

XD

2010-01-01T17:19:00.004+08:00

My fingers so itchy kan...I pressed Sezairi's facebook fan group look through all the pics.......my reaction?

Shut my eyes and squeal....

I really think he's cute.

It's paiseh-ing to squeal for a guy at this age ok!

!@#$%^ Hafizah....u shall be blame for this! Thanks lah eh for telling me who the heck Sezairi is...sheesh.

You definitely know me. Hahahhahahahahha.

I know kind of dah basi but still.....Hee. Ok dah dah. Stop it.

What happened to the video player daaa...where's my One Republic Secrets...

Glitter, Lights, Fireworks, Glowing, Sparkles.

2009-12-31T11:53:00.005+08:00

2010 COMING SOON~

I looked forward for the new year and countdown!

but now

I feel a bit gloomy....

And it's like I don't have the energy to fight....

Plus I can't get to watch fireworks :(

Sorry Mardiah.

Somehow I feel sad listening to Sezairi's Touched By An Angel...

Oh lalalala I'm so tired....yesterday was damn hellish, I feel like SCREAMING! And yeah I actually scolded one FSM Manager. Argh.

Munia

2009-12-27T22:27:00.003+08:00

Back from chalet!~ :D

I simply loves the swimming pool, glowing lights and my parents....we definitely look out for each other for the past 4 days....I thought it was really touching...eventhough, starting there's abit of difficulties and disappointments...heys...it's alright right?... Let's endure and solve it together.

My stomach wasn't feeling that well the whole 3 nights...but heh...had fun!

Pasir Ris beach is soo damn filthy. What the hell happened to that place seh! My dad found lotsa DECOMPOSED FISH AROUND THE BEACH! Yucky...

Decided to meet Haikal at the park too. Kecoh seh....people would say, why in the world did you ask for permission from your parents to go out with a guy in the night, when you know they will be reluctant to say yes? I can't...I'm honest...I'm bad at lying. And I did used the general term 'friend'. Then my siblings starts to be kecoh too trying to figure out which guy this time = =||||...i thought no need secrets lah it's just a friend and since I'm at Pasir Ris already, might as well meet up right? Dah convenient betol tu...

Then my brother, haziq, bro-in-law, baby and shah cycled to the place where I'm supposed to meet haikal....!@#$%&. Tell me which girl tak gabra?

Then we headed for pasir ris park. :)

ANYWAY! SEZAIRI JUST WON! Real music talent. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee~*i think he's cute*

Met the girls yesterday too! And managed to cycle with them! And I sempat SHOPPING lah seh~ Plus I'm happy that I managed to meet AMEERA again. Hee.

Back to working mode O.O

No reason.

2009-12-24T00:05:00.002+08:00

I'm going to change my blog layout but honestly....I kinda like it coz it's bright, simple and lively~

Help me decide which is the best prezzie for myself when I turned 22years old?

1) Fuji Instax 7
2) CKIN2U perfume
3) New phone

INFJ

2009-12-23T01:07:00.004+08:00

Only my diary, Allah and my hand-phone knows what I did to that particular page :(

Wake up girl! You're turning 22 soon! :D

I did a personality test....I'm kinda shocked that I changed from an extrovert person to someone that is introvert! OHMU...no wonder I enjoy being alone and thinking to myself...just more quiet and very lazy to talk. Definitely not into arguments, just can't be bothered. Cold and less friendly~ Hahah.

My friend read my result and he said, why are you such a sad person? And I said, yah....I don't know why and I just realized it! Last time was different.....then we both laugh! Well it is kinda funny....plus these days also, I just laugh at everything...even when I'm feeling heartbroken, something random happen I can still laugh...No I'm not crazzzzy~

Perhaps, the hope for his return is gone but the hope to live on will always be with me! That's why not that 100% sad...

Maybe it's just a mask, a smile and laugh that mask everything else. :)

People need to live mah....walk naked or wear something larr.

Going for chalet after work tomorrow. Lalala better sleep now!!!!

Im a girl.

2009-12-18T21:23:00.002+08:00

OMG. So true...what Wajihah and Mardi posted at their blog....and check out Faiza's blog too, I reached stage 2 only....oh wells.

Sometimes I think, is it me or is it my luck? It's still about me right, be it luck or who I am....even dating has it's own bitter sweet moments...some are creepy, some are like freaks, some too sensitive, some too eager....then if I were to meet the normal and up to my standard and very desirable ones, they're ALWAYS VERY FAR AND NOT INTERESTED IN RELATIONSHIP! It's either they just broke up or just not into relationship yet ah...

That sentence always makes me think...is it ME? or is it their situation...but hey...I don't think I want to know the real answer right? Fine, we should be brave facing the truth but then again it hurts....

I just want to complain can?

Why are the good ones that I meet always in the army and they're toooooooooo busy and they live very far and they're not into relationship at the moment......the good ones are either gay or taken. So these are the 'taken' guys and they've been hurt last time and now they become unavailable because of their previous relationship and NS is like the perfect period to be NOT INTO RELATIONSHIP.

I DO feel jealous of those girls coz they met these nice and desirable guys. They should be grateful...although it didn't work out....I'm a girl so yes their EXs does matter! I want to know what kind of girl his ex is like.

I am! I am a girl! How much I hide and control my feelings....inside my heart you just don't know...missing them also is not fun...it's very distasteful. It's like there's this weight tugging down your heart...

Sometimes...well most of the times I feel demoralized. Sometimes I feel, argh why their exes do these stuffs to them! But then again.....if it doesn't happen..they won't be single isn't it? Hahhahahhah.

Most of the times I try to reason myself with all sorts of logical things, just to soothe my heart. Hahaha. Most of the times, I will find ways to show myself that there are hopes.....something to hold on to...

I'm out.

Yes your No.1 fan! :D

2009-12-17T00:19:00.004+08:00

I love his work! :D

There's nothing to be sad and depressed about..

I'm thinking....

2009-12-14T01:23:00.003+08:00

I'm thinking....

of watching fireworks with you.

I will try my luck and ask you first.

This time around I want to start as your friend.

This time around I will ask permission from my sister to sleep at her house.

I'm gonna message you later when I wake up.

I'm gonna jog again.

I want to start 2010 with you.

Why?

2009-12-10T22:13:00.003+08:00

He said don't fall for him. Don't even keep any feelings for him.

I agreed and I don't want to. I'll be doomed if I ever fall for him. Ok truthfully I'm scared. Just a scared and insecure girl.

But he's the contradicting one. He might be using me. Lonely soul maybe hahaha. But what I say matters to him...to what extend I'm not sure and if I say the wrong thing or make the wrong move, he'll stay away from me. I don't know if he's sulking or mad at me. And I just don't know WHICH PART I'M IN THE WRONG.

I thought we're just friends?! But why are u being too sensitive?

I was late because of the bus! I said sorry and why can't you accept that reason? How come I'm more practical than you boy?

Plus I pujok him many times already, still not working. He just won't talk to me! WAT IS WRONG?!

How come I control my feelings better than him!?

Yes I feel bad lah that I hurt him...Dono how many times I apologize already. : (

short updates

2009-12-06T09:23:00.003+08:00

Anyway.....I'm so scared about the fact I keep falling sick! On October, I fell sick once...November another and now I'm feeling weird again.....O_O wassup seh.....

I MISS MAHERA! AND YAY PECKSIN IS AT SINGAPORE ALREADY! :D

Being with you is definitely fun! But missing you is not fun at all...... : (

I managed to last for 30days not smsing him! Come on Haz you can do it! Drag it till January!

P.O.P is next week! :D

2010 COMING SOON TOO! SO FAST....

2009-11-28T23:27:00.001+08:00

He stays at Pasir Ris too............................*speechless*

East east east east east east east.

I want and you want it too!

2009-11-24T23:38:00.002+08:00

Everybody wants to get the best offer right? So if you missed it, I believe it's alright that you feel disappointed yar? :)

Passion. Ambition. Butter

2009-11-21T21:32:00.002+08:00

You guys need to watch this. It's sweet and inspiring for the ladies and couples : )

One dangerous guy.

2009-11-21T19:48:00.003+08:00

I met a guy. He has everything, good looking, money, tall, not too skinny, fair skin, got education, SOLAT TOO! He's the kind of guy every girl will fall for, in fact that is what happening to him all his life. But he told me, he can't stay true to one. And then I burst into laughter! "Relax lah, you're still young" Plus I find him cocky and blunt.  He looked down on me too. He's one sweet and flirtatious ass. All the while with him, I analyze and compare him with other guys.

I was seriously bitter with him basically because he turns out to be such a self centered person and damn he's just like one guy I used to like.

I said don't send me back home coz I can walk by myself and don't go out with me again coz you're one jackass. We both live at Teck Whye. He said it's easy to date someone living in the same neighborhood. It's true lah, even Azfar said that. He'll die if he's dating someone at Pasir Ris.

Then quietly, deep down inside me, I remembered that Ayapa always send me back to Teck Whye till level 5. Pasir Ris to Teck Whye. 

Plus he's not funny. Vain and like a spoilt-brat prince. Not helpful. Irritating too.

Hahah. I'm being too harsh now. I need someone with good heart and warm.

If I show you guys who he is, you will know why.

Macam2 lelaki betol...*laughs*

I just want to cry.

2009-11-19T23:51:00.002+08:00

What is happening?

Really he's gone???

2009-11-13T23:19:00.004+08:00

Goodbye to you hero.

There's always a room to learn new things. :)

What do you call Haz once she's married?
Answer: Had.

LOL.

Girigiri HERO (Barely Qualified Hero) - Mihimaru GT

Stop beating around the bush
Bring your doubt, come on and jump in
Because there’s no use winning
Under someone else’s rules

Even if you lose your accurate map
Bring your fears, come on and jump in
Can You Control yourself to be a winner again
I’m tired of making happy faces

It’s dangerous so don’t try to get on board
Check your left and right, it starts right here

*Going on with unfading passion
Even if you hide tears because you overextended yourself, I’ll protect you
I’m your barely qualified HERO

**I’ll set the story straighter than yesterday
Even if I don’t put on a flashy costume
I’m your barely qualified HERO

I talk like I know what’s going on
My insensitivity is too much of a good thing
I hear footsteps in my heart, thud, thud
Enemies surround me on all sides, I can’t believe it
But I’m captivated in wonder
At how I’m always saved by you
I never realized you were always brave, my hero

You don’t know until you’ve tried
Take it head-on, come on and jump in
Can You Control yourself to be a winner again
You can’t give up tomorrow

“We’ve arrived at your destination”
It’s not enough…I’m a selfish creature

Going on to burn the unfading passion
They can call me clumsy or hate me, but I’ll protect you
I’m your barely qualified HERO

I’ll make the story straighter than yesterday
My cape won’t help me to fly and the wind holds me down
But I’m still your barely qualified HERO

“I’m an exceptional player, one of a kind”
If that’s how you’ve lived up to this point
Then of course that’s self-conceited, get a move on
Know your place and cut it out already
I’ve decided to stand in the field I saw in my dreams
It’s all cold asphalt here
But you run through in spite of it
I knew it, you’re a HERO

(Repeat*)
(Repeat**)

We don’t need to be perfect
Let’s cry like human beings
If you want to make me feel better
Then how about we try a fortune teller?
Our great luck can’t turn into bad luck, right?
Let’s pay the price once in a while
An exhausted king of the hill

Barely qualified HERO, you don’t stop…

:(

2009-11-03T21:39:00.001+08:00

"Everyone knows that sugar is sweet. Why should I feel special in the first place..."

It’s hard to find a man, When you’re gone before he wakes. They say it’s hard to achieve But can’t a girl believe?

2009-11-02T21:27:00.004+08:00

I feel lighter after I straighten out things with him...insyallah things will be better. Because I want to work efficiently! Thanks fiza. Basically he didnt notice that he was dragging and pushing me away....hahahah eh hello bro! I'm too small or what?!?!

He apologized and said don't take it personally ah...as usual he sounds like a jerk, but whatever man~ as long as the message was brought across, I'm kinda satisfied. If no change, maybe I should do what Ayapa suggested, whack him. Hahahahahah. As if that gonna happen, maybe I PINCH HIM?

Thanks for not being draggy ah bro. Yar man....nothing personal too. And I reminded him again, whatever it is, I'm still a girl. Remember that.

Tsk...hello this girl here is kinda disappointed when you said you can't make it for the date. Till I dreamt of you...that shows how much I look forward for it ok. You owe me Gelare ok! Tsk. :(

Pancit.

2009-10-29T22:08:00.002+08:00

Today is Tayar Pancit Thursday! Actually every weekday is a tayar pancit day :X

Hahah yeah I'm really that tired!

I can't wait to buy Fuji Instax S7 Japan Edition! Heee :D

Whether you're going or not...some of my energy, neurons and time will be wasted on you. :(

I don't miss it that much.

2009-10-26T00:26:00.004+08:00

Oh whatever happen to all the love I had for you? 

*sighs*

Every ugly pieces and dark side of you is starting to become clear to me.

Last time, I thought we could be together. I wanted all the chances I can have in this world just to be with you. Be there for you. Waiting patiently.

But that's not the kind of heart I want to love.
I don't miss it that much.

-

2009-10-25T16:14:00.002+08:00

To mardi: I actually updated the private blog.

It was just a dream.

2009-10-25T14:03:00.005+08:00

Just before my phone died, I managed to take picture of the super light hair! hahahahhah happie banget sih! 1 year + with super long hair seh. No more wavy ends for me though :(

Maybe if I had abit more money, I wanna get the hair serum that hairdresser applied! Heee.

Honestly yesterday was such an annoying day. I hate arguments and I'm too lazy to argue. And yes I'm still annoyed till today. Hahah apa aku bual nie.

Whenever we're in contact, the following night I will get dreams about you and I really hate that. *sighs*

EDITED - I removed the pic. Heh.

Hear my bla bla bla.

2009-10-21T21:35:00.003+08:00

It's been only 3 days and I feel dead tired! Hahahahah. But I'm fine! Need to sleep EARLY! I smiled when Kak Faz msged me because I see it as an opportunity. I'm not sure how to do it but I will just do it? O.O I need to sacrifice the family time...sorry, I'll be right back to you ASAP!

I feel happy when Mur told me about the degree news. I believe she gonna take it next year, all the best to her but as for me, I will finish what I start first and gain whatever I can first. :)

Please lighten our burden oh Allah. Please let us meet again when the time is right oh Allah. Amin.

I somewhat can't wait for December! No not because I'm gonna meet him again. Well I wish....nevermind that....I'm gonna spend 4 days 3 nights at Pasir Ris! At first I don't look forward for it but why should I brood over it when my money BURNT ALREADY! Hahaha! I don't know that place lah seh...HIGH TENDENCY TO SESAT. Time to explore that place! I think the total count of my visit is still below 10! hahahahahahah 4 days 3 nights seh...

I wish Mahera can join........... :( argh.

The day has come anxious

2009-10-18T14:23:00.009+08:00

Monday! School reopens. OMG. Gotta prepare myself.

A: Blah blah blah blah.

H: *silent*

A: Blah blah blah blah. *starts to n0tices* Eh! Whats with that face ah? Can't be bothered with me ah? Or are u angry?

H: Angry? What for? Nolah....just can't be bothered. Hahaha!

A: Kurang asam.....

Can you meet me halfway...

2009-10-18T01:28:00.005+08:00

I enjoy people taking charge but not doing anything is not me. That's where I will lend my hand. :)

She used the word 'KEEN' but I feel it more like a responsibility because he's my nephew that's why I decided to do so. Yes the past few days didn't go that well and now it's kind of late, so I'm not sure to teach or not. I want to HELP him, so I suppose I will come.

With Ayapa till 2am.

2009-10-17T12:13:00.008+08:00

First of all, I want to apologize to Fiza and Mahera. I've watched Pandorum. Yikes. Sorry!

Fiza gave me her opinion which help me quite alot. So in the end I made him a card using metallic markers and Haziq's flashcard! It's abit unglamorous but that came from the real Hazwani and yes lesson learnt. Things are better when I'm calm and when I let the brain take over!

He came to TP, Bistro to meet me around 6pm.

Funny how I don't feel anything like shy, nervous or the urge to impress him. I was myself yesterday.

Nothing much happened because both of us not sure what to do or where to go. We wasted alot of time; sat down at TP bustop not knowing where to go. In the end we took 518 and went town. I simply love the time I had with him in the bus! No, everywhere. We talked too much yesterday. Babbling, discussing, complaining, debating, teasing blah blah blah non-stop. He was starving but we didn't sit down for a proper meal because it's either he don't really know what to eat or the place that we want is super duper pack. Plus at the same time he wants to go shopping and watch movie! Wow he sure have alot in his mind. Haha.

So we checked out the stores he loves, River Island and Topman. Then he saw Fred Perry. His face immediately changed and turned away from it. I asked, what's wrong and why he reacted that way. He said it was nothing. I reckon he really like it and knows he can't afford it yet so i pulled him towards the shop and said I wanna see. Definitely different attitude when we stepped in other shops. The way he looked at the items were just different! The next shop was Pull & Bear, I kind of reluctant to let him go to Pull & Bear coz the t-shirt I bought for him was still on display so I told him to keep to his right only; the t-shirt were on the left side of the store. So to distract him, I told him not to be curious lah it's nothing I'm just too paiseh coz I had crush on one of the salesguy. Well that made him go out from the shop. Heh. But after awhile he brought up this story again, is it the crush or was because of something else...make a guess lah Ayapa.

Then we headed to Cineleisure to watch movie but all the time slot were bad! The ones ard 9pm++ is either full or have single seat. The rest were 11 45pm onwards. All movies. All cinemas around Singapore. Wah the disappointment can be clearly seen on his face! Hohoho. Ok then my turn to take charge! It's GPRS time! I checked for movies nearby or maybe at CCK since he wants to go to his friend house for Deepavali celebration at CCK. By that time I was tired and sleepy already. After so much discussion, we decided to catch the 12 05am Pandorum at Cineleisure and he decided not to go to his friend house because he can go on Saturday too. So we had 2hrs to kill before the movie.

We sat on the round sofa, I drank my fruit juice, he ate his burger and then both of us feel like sleeping already. hahahahahahah. We even thought of places to sleep lah sey! Yes that bad. I told him, we can take bus and sleep in it or go mosque! HAHA! Then he said, he feels like laying down on the sofa! He saw that sleepy and tired Hazwani already! Damn so not glamorous lah siaaaa!

And guessed what someone slept while watching the movie lah seh! Hahahaha. He slept for the first few minutes. Kesian seh. But the movie was damn mengejutkan lah! I jumped from my seat and shrieked quite a number of time. Yes my hati kecik. Hahah!

Then we took cab and he sent me back to Faiza's house.

'A hero...you don't have to be super to be one'

2009-10-13T23:05:00.011+08:00

It's been 15 days since the last time I contacted him. Hooray for me can?

It's been 8 days since I got this SICKNESS! Guhz. And I'm still coughing non-stop.
I seriously think $11 bucks worth of cough syrup works better than 3 mins doctor consultation. But do visit the doctor if your symptoms are different from what you normally get...might be something 'serious'.

I want to change my phone! These 2 caught my eyes! I haven't think through it yet though.

T715

C903

When we're 21, we just have to do it ourselves isn't it? The 'you're on your own' kind of feeling hit me again today. I guess it's alright, I'm supposed to feel like that, right? I just wish I have someone to be with me.

I hope this transition phase is going to be smooth and gentle for me. I can really feel the weight right now.

- Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart -

I can't stop listening to this song!

"I can still remember vividly whatever happened when I look across the street"

It shook every heart.

2009-10-11T17:24:00.002+08:00

Tell me she's stupid, crazy, pathetic, oh whatever vocabs you have out there. But don't you think it's more than just to be regard as weakness?

Oh yes it shook my heart. Mine is definitely insignificantly tiny. Nothing to worry about at all! I hope she's strong. Oh she is strong.

Oh and I still have a long wayyyyy to go.

Parts of The Winner Takes It All

2009-10-10T20:00:00.002+08:00

Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

I dont wanna talk
Coz it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

Mamma mia how can I resist you.

2009-10-10T18:38:00.002+08:00

Let's put that aside. That kind of feeling has always been buggin me since I was sec 3!~ Only the guys are different and I'm abit aged right now. Haha.

I wonder what's the probability right now? I wonder what are my chances? Shud I even consider the promises he made? Should I even consider them as promises? A friend said, they're nothing, they're just something to be said so that we can continue conversing with each other. Is that true? *grabs Ayapa and shakes him - Oh Ayapa! Is that trueee Ayapa!?!?!?* Errr ok, end of drama. I'm just abit bored here. Heee.

I have a dream actually. I think only Mahera knows? Hahahahhahahaha. She was abit speechless after I told her but as usual, she always say GO FOR IT! It's something that I've been wanting to do but not sure how to start. I'm not fussy about it, just gimme one lobang and I will say YES! Oh I won't share it here, it's a bit too unrealistic right now. I wish an opportunity will come by me someday or when I'm abit free yar!.... :)

The throat is not getting better at all! Now I can't talk! Hahahahha. Thats the only way to keep Haz quiet huh? Heee. With this condition...nothing comes out my throat except sounds that made me look like the ugly toad :(

Recently I received a message at FB chat space from a friend. He said "I just realised..." then went offline. I was left with a bit of curiosity and I know that's not like him at all, so I left him a message too, then I continue watching The Mentalist! XD

Allow me to do some introduction for this friend. I don't know how we got to know each other *AS USUAL* but it's thru Facebook. He's waaaaaay older than me, just turned 28 this September. Went out with him twice if I'm not wrong. He's nice and everything...haha somehow I hate that phrase! He told me his ex-fiance story and what nots....and after that I don't really remember what happen. I apologize for that.

The only vivid thing I remember he said to me was "You're quite young to have that kind of matured mentality.."

Of course I laughed at that sentence and replied "Me? Hahahah not really"

Ok back to what happen that day. When he was online, I asked him again. It took him quite awhile to reply me and when he does it, he made me SPEECHLESS. Maybe because of that something he said OR I just never been in that kind of situation before. As usual, I was too slow to process and absorb what he said. I said, "Is this somekind of virus where it types out sentences automatically? *seriously someone complain abt this virus before ok!* or is this someone else I'm chatting with?"

He said no and he's that same guy I went out with that day. Guhz, I didnt know what to do, he said it's because of a picture he saw. *sigh*

O.O AKU TAK TAU NAK BUAT APA. So I continue watching The Mentalist! Hahahahahahahahhaha.

Simple joy :D

2009-10-08T14:39:00.005+08:00

Whisper this to yourself - You felt that way because you're in your 13th and 14th day! Oestrogen level up so does your jealousy and other sensitive emotions! Oh not forgetting your high fever yar Hazwani... :P

I forgot that it's a 28-day cycle. O.O

http://www.happyitshere.com.sg/

I have this strong urge to shop! But can't spend too much yarrr~

I feel this simple yet temporary joy in shopping and pampering myself huh? I know my mom will never stop nagging if she knows about all these coz to her it's a waste of money but it makes me happy. Yes the point is, it makes me happy and satisfied! Yar sometimes I feel regret if I happen to buy the wrong product or the product didn't turned out to be what I expected but it's a simple kind of feeling, it's either I'm happy or disappointed, nothing complicated and it ends there.

Anyway, I like Revlon's Matte Lipstick! Hehe. Doesn't feel and look like lipstick at all!

No caption for this photo. I feel nausea right now....

Agonizing.

2009-10-07T21:44:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's the high fever, headache and diarrhea. It can be anything but you can't deny whatever you're feeling.

Feel like crying....maybe I should just let it out.

Sick people get weird dreams. Haha. Yesterday night, the word 'AZFAR' and 'SOUP' appeared in my dream. Yes just the WORD. Hahahahahaha.

Talking about getting sick...I seriously hate going to doctor because of the waiting time! I remember each time I visit the polyclinic, the waiting time is always more than 3 hours and the consultation last only less than 3mins!!!! Whether I go super early like 8am in the morning or late around 2pm weekdays, it's always the same. I don't mind WAITING but WAITING WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SUPER HIGH FEVER FOR 3 HOURS SITTING ON A HARD CHAIR IS AGONIZING! I rather pop in some paracetamol and rest on my bed with damp cloth on my forehead. That whole 3hours was just to get an endorsed MC and some typical doctor prescription which I think I can prescribe myself. = =

The thing that prolong the waiting time is when those having appointments need to do lotsa test, so in between of other patients call number, they will just pop in the docs room to see the doctor. Bodoh lah, can't you divide those rooms for consultation and follow-up appointment differently?

Another bodoh thing, is the doctor, I got some bodoh Indian doctor. Wah...got time to argue and nag at me luh. He asked what's wrong with me and I said I'm having fever, diarrhea and sore throat. He asked what was my temperature, I replied, yesterday I check it ranges between 37.1 to 37.4 and I know it was low but the feeling was terrible so yar I'm not sure why it's like that. Skali he said, oh...that is normal body temperature not fever. So I said, oh ok, whatever it is I'm feeling terrible since yesterday luh and the nurse just check my temperature just now, it was 37.1 too. Then he nag about the need to keep checking for body temperature. I thought, eh bodoh can you stop speculating things and  just take my temperature so WE BOTH CAN SEE WHETHER IS IT HIGH FEVER OR NOT. PLUS I WAS SITTING OUTSIDE WAITING FOR YOUR 3MINS CONSULTATION, YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP CHECKING MY BODY TEMPERATURE? He definitely irritate me. And when he take my body temperature it was 38.4 and he showed me his 'muka-macam-bagus' to me....

I hate it because of the agonizing waiting time and lousy 3min consultation.

I want to watch Pandorum! A horror Sci-Fi movie. And somewhere around August or September next year, they gonna release Resident Evil: After Life! Wentworth Miller gonna be in it with Milla Jovovich~ XD I thought Resident Evil: Extinction is the last one seh. I wish there will be another Transformers movie and how I wish LOTR got continuation! I truly enjoy these movies....oh what about ALIEN and Pirates of the Caribbean?

Spent my free time watching Flashforward, The Mentalist and Desperate Housewife. Great shows!

To Mardi: I'll post it somewhere soon k.

Make me laugh. Make me happy. Make me smile.

2009-10-05T23:56:00.003+08:00

Oh my gawd....I can't stop laughing again looking at Ayapa's hari raya pics with his secondary school friends. He's so cute lar...not the kind of cute that will melt the heart but it's silly cute! His face expression is sooo exaggerated and funny! They celebrated his and 3 other guys birthday at one shot. So sweet lah.

If I have a baby, I would leave that baby to Ayapa so that he can entertain my baby!

Today Bistro Walk blackout. Goondo betol, now I have even MORE WORK TO DO! :X

I think what Mardi said is true? But...I'm losing hope right now. Kinda of...actually...just hangin by a thread. Just trying to stay positive. But nah i don't treat it like a problem. :D

2009-10-03T10:28:00.004+08:00

3rd October! Happie 40th Birthday Tetsu!

Eeeps...40 sey XD

Haiz penat ah.. haha :D

I dreamt that I was riding a dragon...it flew up high to the sky! Oh I like the feeling of flying!

Going to jalan raya later ~

Is that me? Am I like that? Haiz. Can it be cured?

2009-10-01T22:09:00.005+08:00

The haze is terrible these days! Feels like something's wrong with my body too...my lips is not chap but always got cuts and it bleeds! You know how much I hate blood! Coz it weakens my whole system!!!!!!! URGH.

Just keep drinking water! :D

Anyway...it hurts and worries me when I listen to the news these days...so many natural disasters occurring..one after another, here and there...ah it's all over the world, tsunami, tornado, earthquake, flood, storm, everything in one news. Yes the Earth is really really old. Thank you Allah we here in Singapore not affected by these things...but sooner or later...ok I don't want to continue talking about this.

My mom remind me of that 'thing'...just after my dinner. So now I feel like puking.....tsk. Tak sangka she remembered that off all people eh...yes I don't like it either that's why I'm not remembering any of it.

Time to change my handphone wallpaper just coz it's cute. :D

October? November? December? January? Or once you grow your hair back? Take your time lah...coz right now something else is bothering me.... :(

I'm checking on something and it's really making me feel down. Something that has been bothering me since secondary school... :(